I've gotten good at "riding out" anxiety. Whether it's just the general
feeling or a full-blown attack, I have the ability to say "I'm feeling
this way, and I don't like how it feels, but I know and choose to
believe that it's going to be okay." Most of the time, nobody else even
knows what's going on.
When I'm running out of gas as an introvert, the social anxiety kicks in a little harder. Going places that I don't know to do things that I don't already know how they'll go is always a trigger. If I'm already feeling anxious, ED (Eating Disorder) starts to think he has something to say too.
So when I left work after an overwhelming hour of communicating with a lot of people on a lot of levels while multi-tasking to begin with to go to a house I'd never been to before to meet a family I'd never seen before to talk about babysitting their kiddos, the anxiety was already humming.
And then they asked me to stay for dinner.
I ate unfamiliar food in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people as I questioned every word and gesture, as every muscle tightened for fear of moving the wrong way, as I tried to sneak in a few breathing exercises but couldn't because I was too busy focusing so hard on every little to thing to make sure I was acting the right way, saying the right things, eating the right way.
But I rode it, because that's what I do.
I'm feeling this way, and I don't like how it feels, but I know and choose to believe that it's going to be okay.
And the family was wonderful--I got a toddler hug thirty seconds after walking in the door, and all four of them were so sweet and kind. And the food was fantastic--it was Indian, and I'm not sure what any of it was called or whether or not I ate it "right," but it was delicious. And I made it out okay--I not only got the babysitting job, but got to teach the little girl the term "Bestie," shortly after we sent each other into a giggling fit while assembling a puzzle of Minnie Mouse.
Then I went to WalMart--and if WalMart doesn't trigger some kind of social/emotional struggle for you, then you must be a wonderfully well-rounded individual. And with the help of my headphones to signal the world that I wasn't speaking to it, I made it out of there okay, too.
Then I went to Barnes and Noble, and even mustered the strength to ask an employee where the book was that I was looking for (after wandering the entire store for half an hour on my own first and strongly considering leaving empty-handed to try again another day. Yes, social anxiety sounds silly, but this really is a part of life for some of us).
And now I'm finally home--after swinging by the ATM to deposit a check, officially accomplishing every errand that needed to be run this week--sitting here trying to release the tension and quiet the buzzing so I can pack for my weekend trip home and go to bed, and it's so tempting to start feeling defeated, helpless, stupid for feeling this way about so many silly little things. None of the above should have been a big deal, right? Why am I such a baby?
But I'm not going to, because I made it. Because I survived. Because today was a victory.
For whatever reasons, God decided to allow my brain chemistry to panic when panic isn't necessary, and regardless of those reasons, He has taught me that I can trust Him when that happens, that through the smoke of misfiring neurons I can know that He is still there and constant and ever faithful. I know and choose to believe that it's going to be okay.
And it is okay. It's more than okay. It's a sweet, sweet victory, laced with independence, empowerment, and a toddler hug and a new bestie.
Source of the article: http://kayceelynnpancake.com/1/post/2016/06/a-day-in-a-life-with-anxiety.html
When I'm running out of gas as an introvert, the social anxiety kicks in a little harder. Going places that I don't know to do things that I don't already know how they'll go is always a trigger. If I'm already feeling anxious, ED (Eating Disorder) starts to think he has something to say too.
So when I left work after an overwhelming hour of communicating with a lot of people on a lot of levels while multi-tasking to begin with to go to a house I'd never been to before to meet a family I'd never seen before to talk about babysitting their kiddos, the anxiety was already humming.
And then they asked me to stay for dinner.
I ate unfamiliar food in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people as I questioned every word and gesture, as every muscle tightened for fear of moving the wrong way, as I tried to sneak in a few breathing exercises but couldn't because I was too busy focusing so hard on every little to thing to make sure I was acting the right way, saying the right things, eating the right way.
But I rode it, because that's what I do.
I'm feeling this way, and I don't like how it feels, but I know and choose to believe that it's going to be okay.
And the family was wonderful--I got a toddler hug thirty seconds after walking in the door, and all four of them were so sweet and kind. And the food was fantastic--it was Indian, and I'm not sure what any of it was called or whether or not I ate it "right," but it was delicious. And I made it out okay--I not only got the babysitting job, but got to teach the little girl the term "Bestie," shortly after we sent each other into a giggling fit while assembling a puzzle of Minnie Mouse.
Then I went to WalMart--and if WalMart doesn't trigger some kind of social/emotional struggle for you, then you must be a wonderfully well-rounded individual. And with the help of my headphones to signal the world that I wasn't speaking to it, I made it out of there okay, too.
Then I went to Barnes and Noble, and even mustered the strength to ask an employee where the book was that I was looking for (after wandering the entire store for half an hour on my own first and strongly considering leaving empty-handed to try again another day. Yes, social anxiety sounds silly, but this really is a part of life for some of us).
And now I'm finally home--after swinging by the ATM to deposit a check, officially accomplishing every errand that needed to be run this week--sitting here trying to release the tension and quiet the buzzing so I can pack for my weekend trip home and go to bed, and it's so tempting to start feeling defeated, helpless, stupid for feeling this way about so many silly little things. None of the above should have been a big deal, right? Why am I such a baby?
But I'm not going to, because I made it. Because I survived. Because today was a victory.
For whatever reasons, God decided to allow my brain chemistry to panic when panic isn't necessary, and regardless of those reasons, He has taught me that I can trust Him when that happens, that through the smoke of misfiring neurons I can know that He is still there and constant and ever faithful. I know and choose to believe that it's going to be okay.
And it is okay. It's more than okay. It's a sweet, sweet victory, laced with independence, empowerment, and a toddler hug and a new bestie.
Source of the article: http://kayceelynnpancake.com/1/post/2016/06/a-day-in-a-life-with-anxiety.html
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